Ex rated: BCCI, U game?

Siddhartha Mishra / TNN / Sep 29, 2005, 01:01 IST

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Because if Indian cricket were a living, breathing being, he would be crying right now.

Because if Indian cricket were a living, breathing being, he would be crying right now.
You've heard the banality before -- you are what you don't say -- but now it's official. So much for the five-second sound byte of Mr Cricketer, it's been gagged by the BCCI.
Whatever. There's no such moral ambiguity though for Dilip Vengsarkar. No whispers to the wall. He puts his mouth where his mind is in a six-step do-it-yourself guide for Indian cricket.
* Start by relearning the alphabet. C (Captain) doesn't precede T (Team). "First select the team and then pick the man best equipped to be captain from among these 11 players -- NOT the other way round." So, end of debate on a certain SG.

* Vital spats in India have become a bit like stats: saucy, provocative but largely unreal at the end of the day. Moral of the story: "Avoid unnecessary controversies by making the media manager the sole spokesperson of the team." Yes, no e-mail Deep Throating, no double-crossing by double C (Captain, Coach).
* Lambs shall not be silenced by Hannibal Lecterism. "No matter how unlikely, if an official ban on players speaking to the media amounts to problems being suppressed, players can air their views to the BCCI's review committee after each tour or appear before the panel individually." Ergo, every Throat makes a Deep Impact.

* Coach coach hota hai: Old Johar saying. "The coach must have a say in team selection simply because he is part of the strategy-formulating process. In any case, the coach's job will be on the line if the team doesn't perform." Refer to step 1 for clarifications.
* Crickethood is not guaranteed nirvana for those spotlighted. "Some of the players don't seem to be 100% fit. The team is inconsistent because it banks on a few players to do the job all the time. There's no bench strength. For the best team possible, you need the best selectors possible.
Scrap the honorary/zonal system, hire three professional selectors, give them performance-oriented contracts." E.O.M. for allegations of favouritism. Tch, tch, another media story with repeat value killed forever.
* Ask not what domestic cricket can do for you, ask yourself what you can do for domestic cricket. "Make the Duleep Trophy the opening tournament of the season, make it mandatory for all Test players to participate.
Chalk out a full-fledged cricket calendar for the A team." Unless you want deja boo again. And again. Thank you, Mr Vengsarkar. Hopefully, the BCCI has an appetite for microwaved nuggets. Unless it's ban appetit too.

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